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If I Wanted

by Dear Maryanne

supported by
Mitchell
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Mitchell A funny Instagram post lead me to this - it was well worth a listen! Such a strong first EP, super raw and great music!!!
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1.
I’ll never Hold you back I couldn’t If I wanted I’ll be that boy back home That you don’t call no more Cause you’re out with your friends The cool ones from your job I knew that leaving this Would have a consequence I think that it did I hope you’re killing it And every day I tell myself You’re better off with someone else And that could have been me If i had just stepped up And every day I tell myself You’re better off with someone else And that could have been me If i had just stepped up And every day I tell myself You’re better off with someone else It took me 12 whole months just to grow up a little bit (took me 12 whole months, took me 12 whole months) I’ll never Hold you back I couldn’t If I wanted I’ll be that boy back home (and every day) That you don’t call no more (i tell myself) Cause you’re out with your friends (you’re better off) The cool ones from your job (with someone else) I knew that leaving this (and every day) Would have a consequence (I tell myself) I think that it did (you’re better off) I hope you’re killing it (I hope you’re killing it)
2.
2 Polos 01:57
Tell me you’ll be free tomorrow I’ll show up in my best suit And by that I mean the wrinkled Polo on the chair in my room Tell me you’ll lay by my side for tonight I’ll tell you that I can be everything you need And by that I mean I’ll crumble Faster than I’d ever think Tell me you’ll live in this house ‘Till the end of the lease Or the end of our lives Tell me you’ll hold my hand When we can’t pay the rent And we both work nights So we don’t ever see the daylight Oh i thought we would make it I thought we would make it I thought we would Oh I thought we would make it I thought we would make it I thought we would make it
3.
It's so appealing To think I had some sort of plan A funny feeling Being as funny as I am The kind of person To leave themself so brutalized Over some version Of how it could have gone tonight Oh god I'm really scared Oh god I'm really fucking scared Oh god I'm really scared Oh god I'm really fucking scared Hope it gets through to you I've got no good reason I don't get what you're trying to say Are coming home again? Sincerely healing Still somehow so far out of hand The walls and ceiling Too close to comfortably withstand My sense of purpose Ever-receding speck of light I'm getting nervous This time I'll finally get it right Oh god I'm really scared Oh god I'm really fucking scared Oh god I'm really scared Oh god I'm really fucking scared Don't know what you're talking about I've been trying really hard I'm so excited I've got all these useless words Don't know what you're talking about I've been trying really hard I'm so excited I've got all these useless words Hope they get through to you I've got no good reason I don't get what you're trying to say Are you coming home again? Oh god I'm really scared Oh god I'm really fucking scared Oh god I'm really scared Are you coming home again?
4.
I am sorry I really don't call enough I don't know how To talk about this sort of thing It kills me How much you obviously care Sickness sometimes Isn't as obviously there I promise you, mom This time things are gonna change When you last called I just wasn't feeling that Great to talk to you again And dad, and all my friends I know, I know better than to Swallow a second stick of glue Excuses shift and rearrange I have no one else to blame I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I am sorry Hard to believe after the hundredth time I don't know how To be okay with being alive Something trembles in my chest Afraid of those who know me best You're aging fast I never grow You're always proud I know I know I don't know how To talk about this sort of thing It kills me It kills me It kills me
5.
So what Say what you're thinking Tell me Have you been drinking again In your room On your own In your bed On your phone and I know how hard it is To swallow all the pain you've lived As long as you can remember It doesn't ever get better than this There's no use convincing A storm-battered ship to sail after sinking Frigid thoughts shower faster and faster I'll never last one more night in my head I'm broken, I'm stupid, I'm selfish and here's how I'll prove it I'm grateful, I mean it, I just can't keep on repeating mistakes The hours I've wasted The love I have tasted Tired and faceless Forget what my name is in time I'm so sure the best is behind Why kid myself I'm so far beyond help So leave me to die Fuck all your excuses I'm gone 'cause the truth is We suffer, recover And stay for eachother All that we've been through Love hurts if it has to If tears cannot reach you I'll never forget you

about

the debut EP from Boston Emo band Dear Maryanne

credits

released May 11, 2023

Produced by Max Davis and Dear Maryanne

Recorded by Matt Savage

Mixed by Max Davis


Daniel Charrier : Drums

Danny Yelin : Guitar, Bass, Vocals

Freddy Loeb : Guitar, Bass, Vocals

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Dear Maryanne Boston, Massachusetts

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